That message I just sent, I typed that out two days ago..but I was too afraid to send it because I was too scared to know the answer, if there ever would be one. I finally sent it because whether I ever received one or not, I know it wouldn't change things.
Sometimes, things are better off unsaid or unknown. And, well at least someone is on the other end listening to what I have to say.
So with that being said I just wanted you to know that I'm sending this with a heavy heart. Tears are rolling down my face and I won't stop it because it feels good to finally let it out.
I hope this message finds you well. I hope you're doing okay. For some reason I've learned to forgive my self for things I've done to you in the past.
But those last few days we fought and you kept trying and trying and I just couldn't let you back in because I was so scared of being hurt again. I just wanted you to know I'm sorry for everything I said.
For some reason I just wanted you to feel the pain I had been feeling for so long and that was selfish of me to do. I wish I could take it back every day of my life, but I can't.
Maybe it's better off this way. Maybe one day far in the future well make our way back. Maybe we won't. The truth is, I don't want to know what happens.
I just know that out of all the bad we had there was just as much good whether you'd like to believe it or not. I'll never forget that sunny day in April, we picked you up and things had never seemed so good between us. And you holding me in your arms so tight I never thought we'd let each other go in that moment.
But we did.
And I'm learning that it's real this time....It's been hard. Really hard. I just wanted you to know that I've finally found happiness within myself....I'm not bitter anymore because I know what we had was real. I'm a strong woman. Always have been, and I've come to forgive you for everything you did to me.
I'll never forget your smile or your laugh.
I used to do everything I could to make you laugh because I loved hearing it so much.
I know you're with someone else now. And it would be selfish of me to not want you to be happy. I think she's pretty. In a weird way I thought she resembled me in some ways.
I just hope she can make you laugh as much as I did.
I hope you treat her the way I always wanted you to treat me. I hope I did my job right in showing you how a woman deserves to be treated. I hope she makes you happy in a way I never thought I could. Although I tried pretty damn hard.
Sometimes I just want to scream at the sky and ask God "why?" But He told me "it's okay. This is what you were meant for" I know he wouldn't put me through anything I couldn't handle. It's only made me stronger. And that is when I realized you were my soul mate. We loved with a love that was more than love.
We broke each other because we were both broken ourselves. And we learned from each other, I've learned from you more than I've ever learned from anyone else. I'll always love you. And you will always hold a special place deep down inside my heart, where no one will ever even come close to touch. And that's what soul mates are meant for. They're not always meant to be together.
When you truly love someone it will never go away. As much as you want it to so bad. It won't. You have such a burning passionate light about you. The kind where you light up the whole room. You bring life to it. I've seen it more than a few times. And it would be selfish of me if I didn't want you to show it to the world. I know you can. I have faith in you. Always did, no matter how many times you let me down and I always will because I believe in you more than anything else.
Maybe one day in the distant future, we'll see each other again. And we'll be able to look into each other's eyes with no pain or remorse. And only see joy and remember those days we spent together under the street lights in the warm air laughing with each other and falling in love.
That's how I'll remember you best. Because that's what love does. It forgives. This is my good bye for now. So shine bright, show the whole world what you have to offer.
I'll never forget you.
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