Writing this blog is an attempt to channel out my inner self and using that energy in a more productive way.

I've challenged myself many times on this subject, and finally decided to make time to write everything down and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I love getting lost in my thoughts on paper and just forgetting about the world around me. It's definitely my escape; which is strange, because I used to hate writing. I hated it most when I was a kid and now it's one of my favorite things to do. Ironic isn't it?

I've taken a couple years off of school for now, but God am I ready to go back. I always had such a hard time on deciding what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be. It makes it even worse because I'm such a damn indecisive person, I swear. When you're about 17-18, life gives you one of the hardest decisions you'll ever make; which is, what now? What am I supposed to do after living four years in a fantasy world where most only care about their ego and reputation? Most where I'm from go straight to work, get in trouble, married, or they attempt to go to college, which is extremely hard if you don't have the right requirements for financial aid.

Lets be honest, most of us weren't born rich, so we have to do the best we can make something of our selves.

 I'm from a small town. I'm from a very small town; the kind where you drive miles to get to a simple place such as a grocery store, surrounded by cornfields and gossip. I personally had a chance to get my self out of this hell hole, and what did I do? I did what every one does who finds themselves in a good position who are happy but more afraid and unaware. I pissed it away. "Don't worry, it's just your first year of college, the first year doesn't count. Have a good time." "Have a good time", they said. 

LIES. it's all lies.

 

That explains it all. Only my parents thought I was studying; something I should've took into deep consideration, especially when you're just starting off at a community college trying to transfer into a university. 

But I'd like to think last year has taught me the lessons of responsibility and appreciation. I'm not going to prance around the subject either, it was all my own stupid fault. It was my own hedonistic ways that got me into this situation.

So, I've tried to remain calm and patient, working toward my goals in a more complex and responsible way.

This is 2016 now, and I'm going to make it my year.

So, onward and upwards.